9. The Corporate Baddie; In-Corporate-ing Baddie

It's a lie until it isn't...

A number of you were wondering what I do for a living. Well take a seat. Today, the time has come for you to find out. Welcome to my TedTalk.

I would like to take this opportunity to announce and make it emphatically clear…

I am A PROFESSIONAL BABY GIRL! More officially known as … A corporate baddie.

For those of you who haven’t learnt your lesson to ‘just believe me’ when I say something and want me to explain... Here goes nothing.

First of all, I work for my father. Yes. I mean the business is for my father. Did my father build it? No! Is he a majority shareholder? No! Does it say on paper that it is a governmental agency? Yes! Is he my biological father? No! (In case you forgot that one died. RIP💀 - I promise I laughed after typing that. It’s not that bad).

So what, you may ask, gives me the right to say that I am the owner’s daughter?

Me. I am the answer.

You see, up until the recently, I came to work as and when I pleased. Preferably at 11 am while the business opens at 8 am (it’s not my business if you want to come early). I park in an executive parking slot, take my time to wear my heels, grab my Guess handbag and then strut -I mean strut- from my car, through the main entrance into my office (we don’t hide or sneak around. Am I a thief?).

Now, let me make this worse, “what were you wearing?”. Ladies and disappointments, dear minions, let’s just say my favourite was a mid thigh leather (mini)skirt or the African tube top I was wearing simply because I had trousers on (if clothes can be genderless, mine identify, on those days, as official clothes). Before you ask, no I don’t know what a query looks like. If I did, they would also know what being transferred to a village looked like. On the other hand, it didn’t take long my boss to get a tailor to make me a new wardrobe (every time I remember this, it doesn’t get any less funny). Yes I agree, I loved being troublesome.

For my benefits, geez, mind-blowing. A car - an SUV to be specific (yes I am gloating. Get over yourself), fuel allowance weekly, alongside personal allowance for every week. I also sometimes got a “I’m going out this weekend” stipend.

You people seem to have a lot of questions so yes, yes, I am also a national service personnel earning 715 from the government. And so…?

See how you were shouting “Ei” and “Wow” at what I have, you don’t see the hard work I put it. You don’t see the preparations that went into it. Do you want to know how I got here with all these amazing things you’re hearing about? Here it is.

1. Prayer. Honestly, if you didn’t see this coming you are most definitely in the wrong place. I’m tired of reminding you. How was it different? Simple. Pray in advance. I remember during my whole final year, I kept telling God, “I do not want to worry or stress about what happens to me after graduation”. So it really was a prayer answer when I met my boss and he said to my face “You will come work for me after your final year”. I told Sela this, she did same. Now, even before her final year second semester, she has more than 3 offers.

2. Think about it. Weigh your options. Even though I had my boss’ offer, I did not sit on my hands and do nothing. I considered other options. “Are they better?”. “Which am I more comfortable with?”. “What aligns most with my ideals and goals?”. This helped to prevent me from thinking that was the only thing I could get into. Where it would become a that or nothing situation.

3. Go for it. Know you earned your spot. Imposter who? (Maybe you, but definitely not me). No wonder they think I own the place or I am older and I am a manager when this is only my first year working.

The next thing though, is after all this, what do I do. I would love to tell you to sit and look pretty as a baddie (which I did for about 4 months to be honest). However after exploring going to the office and doing nothing, and then exploring going to the office and doing a lot, I choose to be productive. But one thing I will not do, is stress myself out. Yes, I leave the office at 8pm. I spend my days tracking documents. I am setting up an organisation from scratch but I love being fulfilled and would not go over my limit.

After all this, will I kill myself for the job? No. When I get tired, I will go home. When I don’t have the emotional or physical strength to go to work, I won’t.

Because fun fact, in case you haven’t heard, let me tell you… THEY WILL REPLACE YOU WHEN YOU DIE!!

Indeed in all this, I am certain of one thing, I am truly better than you. So in this new month, you have a new challenge to try and beat me at something. Please try hard minions, it’s lonely at this top. The challenge is, do better than me. Put in your all. Challenge the narratives. Hopscotch across the thin lines. Dance in the grey areas. Who else would do it if not you. Trust me, posterity will thank you.

If in the end, they fire you because the business is not for your father… just remember… “Life Goes On”. I will be here to cry for you.

So step out there, make an impact. Be the baddie that you are!! Listen to me, wear what you want, it’s not the clothes that type or do the experiment. So what if your hair is dyed, at least your head still holds the brain that their head even with their “natural” hair, is missing.

Stand On Business my minions!!! Wes taught you that!! Let us start this week.

With Love, Peace & Joy,

Wes. Stay Blessed.

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PS: For legal purposes and reasons, this entire post is satire and a joke except the parts that aren’t. Whether I dreamt it or it happened is up to me to know. If you saw any evidence anywhere, they were DOCTORED!! Thank you.